Friday, September 16, 2011

Day 257 - emotional day

Song of the day:  Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

I probably should have started the last entry describing how terrible the first day of daycare went.  It was so hard.  Elliot started crying as soon as we walked in the door, he cried harder when we walked into his room, he cried harder when I put him down, and he cried even harder when I left.  I cried, and then bawled through the whole thing too!  Thankfully the teachers were really great and let me know that this is really common on the first day.  But as soon as I got in my car I sat in the parking lot for about 3 minutes bawling, then cried the entire way to school, then for about another 3 minutes in the parking lot at school.  So the fact that by day 2 he was already loving it there was awesome :)  He still is loving it there.  He whines a little bit when I leave in the morning, but could care less when I get there at night.  Unfortunately he's already gotten sick.  There's been a few kids in the center, some of them from his room, that have been sent home sick :(  He has a runny nose and a cough still but hopefully he'll get better this weekend.

School has been going really well.  I think it's because I'm older and have had more experience with responsibility, time management, and organization, but when I hear others complaining about the work load or "how hard" something is going to be, I just don't get it.  I don't think any of my classes are overly hard, or have a tough amount of work.  Of course, I also don't spend the entire class texting, so that may help with my knowledge retention.  I also don't find myself losing focus during the class period.  Maybe it's because I want to be there now, whereas I was there because I thought I was supposed to be back in the day.  Also, when I first did school I got C's and was stoned 90% of the time, so imagine how well I can do sober :)  That probably explains some of my focus issues back then...  

Today I had a ton of stuff I had a ton of stuff to do.  First I went to the chiropractor, then got the oil changed in my car, got my ring cleaned, then headed to my baby doctor appointment.  The nurse took my vitals and then started to use the hand doppler to check the babies heart rate.  The nurse couldn't find the heart beat and started asking me if I had been feeling the baby move.  I have felt the baby move, but it's not constant and it's more of a pressure than the butterflies that come in a few weeks.  She said she was going to see if they wanted to do a bed side ultra sound.  As this point I'm starting to freak out a little.  I had just told Kyle the night before that I was worried about the baby because I always get that way before an appointment because it's been a month since I last heard/saw the baby.  My doctor's regular nurse came in and she started using the hand doppler to see if she could find the heart beat while they were getting the bed side ultrasound machine ready.  I've met his nurse before and I am very confident in her skills, so I was sure that she was going to find it.  About 30-60 seconds later (but what felt like 10 minutes) she still hadn't found the heart beat and when to get the machine.  The doctor came in with the machine and by this point I'm full out crying.  [Let me just mention here that Kyle wasn't with me.  So I'm thinking that I had a miscarriage and my husband isn't even here to help me through it.  I also started worrying that I wouldn't be able to get a hold of him and I wanted him to come home right away.]  He and the nurse did a really good job of calming me down, and of course to make it a little worse Elliot see's me crying and starts crying too (which in a way made me feel better that he didn't like to see me cry).  At first the baby just looked like a lump and then it started to move.  There was only about 4 seconds between spotting the baby and seeing it move but it felt like 4 minutes.  The doctor found the heart beat and it was going strong at 151 bmp.  So, long story short, the baby and I are doing just fine :)  It was extremely emotional, but I'm glad I got to see the baby and that the baby is okay. 

After my appointment I had to get blood work done and since I was already at the clinic I decided to get my flu shot as well.  We finally got home at 1:00, which meant we were out for 4 hours, and Elliot did a really good job considering he had to spend most of the time in a stroller or the car.  When we got back we had lunch then he went down for a nap and I lounged around in bed but never actually fell asleep.  Either way, with the emotional rollercoster of the morning it felt nice just to relax.  

Good news is that we just got a loan for a new car and might go shopping this weekend, but most likely will be going next Saturday.  We are having lunch with one of Kyle's friends from work and his family tomorrow!  They have three boys so Elliot will have a lot of fun :)  More fun is that next Friday we're going to the Brewer's game!  I also have two quizzes next week so I guess I'll finally find out if I really am retaining knowledge, or if I just think I am.  :)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Day 248 - sigh of relief

Song of the Day:  David Crowder Band - How He Loves

Today was great!  Elliot had a great time at daycare and was excited to see me when I got there, but not excited enough that the blocks near me weren't more important, lol.  But the best part is that there were no tears!  I also got to see his art work on the walls and pictures of him working on his projects :)  He's having such a good time which makes it easier to go back to school without any "mommy guilt."  Right now I'm filling out his school pictures form.  Yep, school pictures happen at daycare too.  I just don't know how the photographer is going to get him to sit still long enough!  

I'm starting to realize what Kyle's been going through for the last 15+ months.  On Monday's and Wednesday's I pick him up at 4:30, but on Tuesday's and Thursday's I pick him up at 5:30. Picking him up at 5:30 means we aren't home until 6:30, then it's time to eat, time for a bath, then time  for bed.  I feel like I barely get to see him or spend any time with him.  It's really sad and has been kind of a hard adjustment for me.  The only silver lining is that I'm completely exhausted and ready to go to bed at 7:30 myself!  

I've slept really well the past two nights and I think school has really helped out with that!  I walk a ton and am up earlier than I would be if I was staying home.  Also I don't get my afternoon nap/lay-in-bed-while-Elliot's-napping time, so I've been sleeping longer.  Before I was waking up between 1 and 3 and staying up for 2-3 hours.  Now the earliest I wake up is 6:00am, and that's an hour before I would get up anyway so it's not terrible to get up a little earlier. 

I'm not really sure what it is, but I'm finding myself much more "at home" at Whitewater.  I think a lot of it has to do with where I'm at in my life.  When I was at Winona State University I had no idea who I was and was more concerned with looking in all the wrong places for my identity instead of working on school and having an involved college experience.  I spent a semester at Western Technical College and was there just for class.  Really tech school's aren't about the experience, and that's what I liked at the time, but I knew I wouldn't finish there.  I spent part of a semester at University of Wisonsin- La Crosse, but I was going through so much emotional crap at the time that I didn't even finish the semester yet alone work to become a part of the school.  I couldn't even tell you where the cafeteria is at UWL.  I went to my classes and that was it.  I took a class at Madison Area Technical College when I was pregnant with Elliot mainly to see if I was able to focus on doing well in school.  I aced the course and knew that I was finally ready.  But I still was just at MATC for my class and that was it.  I did go to school online through UWW this summer, but that's not really the same as being in school.  I've only been at UWW for two days, but already I know where everything is, and I feel like I'm a part of the school.  I've actually been asked where things are by other people walking around.  I don't know if it's because I look confident in being there or if it's because I look so much older than everyone else that they figure I am either a super-super-senior or a grad student... I'm going to pretend it's the confidence thing, lol.  

It's also been great that Ethan (my brother) is also at Whitewater.  We had lunch together Tuesday, and today I took him to Walmart to get some supplies for his art class.  We're having lunch together tomorrow.  It's been great to be able to spend time with him and to know someone else on campus!

Well, I have homework to do, and not a lot of energy left to do it...

AND I got a call that our bed is going to be delivered Friday between 1 and 3!!  I CANNOT wait!!!!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Day 246 - Last Day.

Song of the day:  Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down  ...this song was huge my first year in college (2004).  I'm sure I have it on about 27 mixed cd's that are somewhere in a box (at my parents house), but I may be making an Itunes purchase tonight...

Well, today was my last day of summer and my last day as a stay-at-home mom.  Tomorrow I'm back in school and Elliot's in daycare.  I'm a mix of emotions about how I feel about all of this.  I feel okay about sending Elliot to daycare.  In fact, I'm kind of excited for him to get to socialize with other kids and they have a great learning program in place.  I know he's going to have a great time.  Also, as much as I have loved being a stay-at-home mom, and would love to do it for each of our kids, it's not my life's calling.  I'm  going to miss being able to hang out with him every day and to see all the cute new thing he does, but it will be good for him.  Hopefully.  He was not excited about going to the nursery at church yesterday, so hopefully tomorrow goes better than that experience!

I'm excited to be back in school.  And I'm extremely nervous.  I just feel so out of my element.  I feel old.  One of my dad's fears is to be that old guy that just thinks he's cool.  I now have that fear.  Lets get one thing straight.  I'm not old.  I'm 24.  But, I'm 24, married, with a 15 month old and another baby on the way.  To most college kids I'm ancient, and mine as well be their parents age.  UW-Whitewater does seem to have a really good adult student outreach/support, but I don't know if any of those other adults will be in my classes.  Ugh.  I don't know why I'm so nervous.  I hope I'm able to sleep tonight, but I'm not sure if that will be possible.  In good news, I've gotten used to getting up at 7 and being ready by 7:45 when I need to get Elliot up, and we've both been completely ready by 8:30.  I think that after tomorrow I'll feel fine about everything.  (Again) Hopefully.

Besides being nervous, this weekend was super packed!  We spent almost all day Saturday figuring out which bed we were going to buy.  We shopped around like good consumers, and ended at the first place we went to.  We ended buying a Sealy Posturepedic King plush bed!  It's being delivered Friday and I can't wait!  Sunday we went to church, then spent the afternoon shopping for a comforter set and sheets.  With it being labor day weekend there was a ton of sales.  We went to quite a few stores and checked online, then ended up buying everything at Target.  This weekend I learned that shopping around is a good idea, but sometimes you know what you like, and should just stick with what you know.  

There are all of these side effects of pregnancy that I had with Elliot but had completely blocked out.  Whenever I describe what it was like to be pregnant with Elliot I say that it was completely normal, and easy, and I didn't even have morning sickness.  Yes, I didn't have morning sickness, and yes it was normal, but I felt terrible for the last few months.  I had really bad insomnia, exhaustion, terrible lower back pain, and my sinus's were always swollen and I could barely breath.  Also, with Elliot I got huge, but it was a different kind of weight gain.  I was in my regular pants until 25 weeks.  Granted, I probably should have gotten into the maternity pants sooner, but I was bent on not wearing them (I quickly learned how much more comfortable they were!).  I completely forgot how miserable I was for the last few months, and now looking back on it I remember complaining and Kyle asking me if I was sure I wanted to have more kids someday, lol.  You take one look at the adorable newborn in your arms who you love with an intensity that's impossible to really describe and completely forget the months that, well, sucked.  Right now I am a few hours shy of 15 weeks and am already experiencing insomnia, exhaustion, terrible lower back pain, and swollen sinus's.  To add insult to injury I am nauseous all day, but that has gotten a LOT better in the last week and a half or so.  I've also already been sporting the occasional pair of maternity pants for the last two weeks.  My hips have gotten wider quicker, or maybe maternity pants are just more comfortable... either way, I'm wearing 'em!  Are these just symptoms of a second pregnancy or maybe do the differences mean we'll be buying lots of pink?  I don't know, but either way, God Bless Kyle for being such a patient and amazing husband!  :)

...and now to attempt sleep...